That's a good question, isn't it? As a first response the temptation might be to say that we know ourselves very well. But if we stop to really think about it - what is it exactly that we are saying we know very well? I've recently spent time considering this coming at it from two seemingly different perspectives and schools of thought.
Svadhyaya, is a concept that we have been exploring this term in one of the weekly yoga classes which is usually understood as self study or self-reflection. It is one of Patanjali's niyamas (attitudes towards ourselves), the second of the eight limbs of yoga, and also forms part of kriya yoga. Svadhayaya, literally translates as "moving towards our self", a process of deepening our understanding and one that enriches our experience of our self. I often remark to students, family, friends and remind myself too, that we are the only ones that really have to live with ourselves, but how much of our time do we invest in making this a loving and joyful relationship?
I've recently come across an explanation of svadhyaya as the process of making space to hear ourselves (Embodying the Yoga Sutras) which really resonated with me. At its core, this is what the practice of yoga is for me - the space we create on the mat to safely explore this relationship by giving ourselves a safe space to pay attention to ourselves.
It might not seem so obvious to begin with, because we are so accustomed to rushing through everything, always with an eye on what might come next, or what we might experience at the end of our practice, or after having completed something. When we do slow down however we start to notice, not only how our bodies feel and respond differently from moment to moment but we start to also pay attention to the feelings and the thoughts that arise. We perhaps start to notice for the first time that often there might be a running commentary - "I like this posture", "another 4 times?" "I could stay here forever", "I can't wait to move", it goes on and on.
If we pay close attention we start to be more conscious of our likes and dislikes, our wants and our needs. If we are able to slow down enough and fully arrive, we start to also experience our presence behind these thoughts, feelings, expectations. The next time you are on the mat, I would invite you to consciously do so - and to start to become curious about why things might be the way they are. Perhaps, often we might notice the commentary and then respond to it with criticism and judgments, 'should's and 'have to's. Maybe this is the place where we can create space and instead bring curiosity, not just through our minds but also our hearts.
Recently I also spent a week revisiting western concepts of self awareness, and mindfulness within the context of Peer Supported Open Dialogue, a systemic, dialogical practice that holds reflection as a key component of its process. As such it invites us to be curious, holding a "not knowing" attitude, encouraging one to get as comfortable as possible with tolerating uncertainty. That requires the capacity to tolerate uncertainty cognitively but also in the potential uncomfortable and unwanted thoughts and feelings that might be present and how these might manifest physically.
It seems to me that a lot of our suffering comes from our seeking certainty in all the places there is none. We experience distress and disappointment when our expectations (perhaps a projection of our certainties) are not met. However if we could sit with not knowing, and if we could be curious about what might arise we might find that a different awareness of ourselves starts to emerge, one that is less defined by labels, roles and belief systems but more established in how we experience ourselves moment to moment. It therefore becomes a question of experience, and perhaps the question should be what kind of experience do you want to have?
Svadhyaya invites us to be present with what is and to notice how our responses are affecting those around us, including our own selves. In order to "move towards" our selves we first have to take stock of where we are, where we are starting from. We cultivate witnessing of what is and acceptance to welcome it in.
Being on the mat can help to keep it in the realm of experience as opposed to intellectualising it. Rather than think our way through our experience, we are invited to feel our way through our experience; through the felt sensation of our bodies, through the rhythm of our breath, guided by the sensations that arise and the connection we start to form within, pointing towards our "centre".
Erich Schiffman (Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of moving into Stillness) talks of this space as the "feeling-tone" of our centred being when we are "home", and the more familiar we become with this experience, the easier it becomes to stay there.
We will still have likes and dislikes, inevitable expectations and subsequent distress, but the longer we establish this "feeling-tone" of ourselves, the easier it becomes to stay centred in it and less easily catapulted by the polarity that it is life.
I like to think of the mat as the experimentation lab where we can trial things out safely, where we can allow ourselves to be heard and seen before we take the step of moving into life off the mat.
If you would like to join us in this ongoing exploration check out our weekly classes as well as the Finding Wellness day retreats starting this November.
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