Aptly, it seems, the last term’s Thursday classes was designed around relationships, and some partner work, not realising that in the middle of that process there was Valentine’s day. A day in the year of (at least) the western world where we focus our attention on relationships, particularly intimate relationships, whether we have them or not.
Relationships however, intimate or not, require more of our focus and attention than a day. In fact it is a day to day, moment to moment, continuous consideration, whether we are doing that consciously or not. On some level or another we are always in the process of making decisions about how we will present to the world and how we will relate to another, from what clothes we choose to wear, to the opinions and beliefs we choose to voice, the food we choose to ingest, and so on. In all these decisions we consider how we will be relating both to the other(s) but also how we will be relating to ourselves. So what kind of relationships do we cultivate? What kind of relationships do we want to be having?
This term we started exploring Patanjali’s Yamas – the first part of the 8-fold yogic path – as a way of recalibrating our inner compass to assist us in experiencing relationships, in how we would perhaps imagine them.
Yamas are loosely understood as principles that guide our relationship with others and there are 5 of them altogether. These are Ahimsa (non-violence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (non-stealing), Brahmaracharya (Journeying to Truth) and Aparigraha (non-grasping).
I have found however that as with everything the practice starts with me and learning to apply and cultivate these principles first in my relationship with my own self.
Ahimsa (non-violence) for example is not just about not causing myself physical harm, but also considering, how often do I think badly of myself? How active is my inner critic and what impact does that have on how I go about doing things? If I start to notice these things in my own self, then I stand a better chance of noticing when my thoughts and words lack kindness towards another, because again, not causing harm expands beyond the physical. Satya (truthfulness) follows a similar line – how aligned am I in my thoughts, words and actions both with myself and with others? There is a useful understanding proposed in “Embodying the Yoga Sutras”, placing Ahimsa as a consideration of the space we offer another (is it safe?) and Satya as a consideration of how we come to occupy that space (how authentic am I?).
The beauty of a yoga practice is that we can learn a lot from just coming to be present on our mat and witnessing ourselves through a practice. Am I pushing and forcing things, and if so, what am I responding to? Am I fully present, listening to what my body needs and responding truthfully or am I ignoring aspects of me? And can I witness it all without judgment or criticism but with gentleness and kindness, a curiosity and a wanting to truly understand? Perhaps if I can bear witness to such things in my own self I might be able to also notice them, both in another and also within my relationship with the other and equally offer kindness, curiosity and space for the relationship to bloom and thrive.
This is yoga off the mat.
The continuous and ever-evolving flux of manifested energy as we come to be in relationship and negotiate the union that comes to be.
Yoga on the mat is the practice, the experiment, the testing things out, so that we can gain more understanding and confidence before we take what we learned off the mat and more consciously yoke and come into relationships.
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